Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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