Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
