His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
