I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
