just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
