Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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