I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
