I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
