Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
