You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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