Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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