Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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