so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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