Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
