I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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