I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
