oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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