You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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