I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
