...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
