You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
