we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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