I heard we made out
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
