Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think a kid would responsible me up
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
