garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
