You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
