literally had 100 drinks last night.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
