whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
