he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
