rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
