wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
