the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
