you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
