i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
