Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Jerry, you need to find god
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
