Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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