apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
