Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
