Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
