Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
