her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
