just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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