Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
