I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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