I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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