i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
