I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
