i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
