it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
