they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
