Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
