just tell him i said nine months
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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