It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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