Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
