On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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